Suffering, I get

I once heard someone share how she was confounded by one of the Buddha’s fundamental teachings—that every worldly condition is marked by impermanence, uncontrollability, and suffering. “Actually, no,” she caught herself. “I get some of it… Suffering, I get.”

At the time, I laughed in agreement. 

I thought I “got” suffering too—because, well, who doesn’t suffer?

But just because I knew the experience of suffering didn’t mean that I understood how to work with it skillfully. At the time, I thought of suffering as the frustrating evidence of my shortcomings, my defilements. It was a bullet to dodge or an enemy to vanquish. Or a hairball to sweep under the nearest rug. 

I was missing out on all the benefits that suffering can bring.

Because suffering can also be treated as the mark on a landmine, letting me know which bomb to neutralize next so that it doesn’t explode instead upon an innocent passerby. A bomb that could only be nullified with the Four Noble Truths—by facing the exact source of my discomfort, settling into the tension, and asking the pain itself, “What are you telling me? Where did you come from? How shall I practice in this very moment?” 

Frustration, for example, is often a sign that I need to take an immediate break. Disappointment, a sign to adjust my expectations. Arrogance, a sign to face some hidden insecurity. To grant myself some gentleness. 

So I listen to the suffering. And I practice, practice, practice.

I used to be mad about all the red flags that marked my many landmines and cluttered up my mental landscape. They were obscuring the picture-perfect view! But now I grateful for those very same flags. They show me where to go and work within my mind—how to make it a sweeter place, a safer refuge. 

And gosh. What a relief to wear one less bomb in my bones, every time I engage this way with my suffering.

“When a mendicant is committed to development, they don’t know how much of the defilements were worn away today, how much yesterday, and how much previously. They just know what has been worn away.”
—Gotama Buddha, Anguttara Nikaya 7.71